tmr i will be going to the arts biennale.
and then i will be taking pictures and look at those wonderful arts.
well, i shall post the pictures in the picture blog as a start.
soon, when i am more free, after Os, then i will post some of the pictures i have last time.
e.g. NPCC, church, outside, home.... blah blah blah.
haha.... i think it would be fun de....

the picture blog is up!!!

do visit the blog @ http://memopast.blogspot.com

another new day, another day closer to the end of the O levels!!!
wohoo!!!
this week is the starting of my O papers.
monday was math paper 1 and ss
tuesday was science chem papers 3
wednesday was english and science physics paper 2
thursday have no papers.
today have english paper.

for the past papers, it was terrible!!!
is either cannot finish if not is a lot dunno how to do.
all the papers this week are killer papers. terrible!!!
this is really terrible. except math today.
it is the most satisfying paper this whole week. i managed to finish the paper!!! but there are still quite a few questions i dunno how to do.... the question about angle of elevation and depression.
but i do think that it was quite manageable. and i am quite happy with that.

what do you say if i am not going to aussie anymore?
go also good. dun go also good.
go i happy, able to study things that i can dun study here.
dun go also happy, able to help out in np and wish to get silver la....
think so much.... ya, mummy say also correct, its not the right time lorh.
sigh... now at this time where to find the courses that i like?! private sch also dun have, poly also dun have. aiya... i also dun really know what i want also.
sigh... i also happy with what GOD gives la. dun complain le lorh...

aiya... so happi!!!! i am officially 16 le! wohoo. not today la. it was past few days. 22nd oct.
i was so happy. it was one of my best nights, best day i ever had.
when i was young, i can say i dun have friends, no childhood. the onli happy times was when i was with my parents when we go to malaysia. also that time they celebrate my birthday. i can remember.
when i am older, have friends la.... but my family didn care much bah. never celebrate my birthday ever. there was once, it was my birthday but none say happy birthday. i was quiet myself. but then there was once i got slapped. aiya.... but nvm le la.
i was so happi on sunday, big one small one all come. so happy. hehe.
aiya... so happy until my lips cannot be together le la.....

its a few more days to 16. :)

recently my eye taps are on again. not memories, but problems.

i got an offer for foundation and a 4 week bridging. that means my sch starts on the 3rd of jan. and i most probably cannot stay long till 31 dec. lol. and my parents were discussing about the course and they dun believe in me. nvm lorh. they call the agent and clear their doubts. and then let me go. recently they keep saying and saying and saying about things. taps turn on again. sigh.

nvm la.... i also dun care le. can go can le.
i just think that there is so many reasons for me to go. eventhough i know its hard and rocky, but i still want to go.
sigh.....

anyway, tmr is science prac for O. i kinda study bah. if i compare how much i study and how much my friends study, i think its just one-third of what they are studying.

aiya.... but its ok le lorh. die le lorh. nvm lorh. i think i am back to my relax state again for dunno what heck reasons.

singapore has lost its sky!!!
so smelly! the air is polluted with a PSI over 100.

let me elaborate to show you my sadnehirdlyss.

at mindnight, the PSI was skyrocketing! it was about 140. but because of the morning dew, the condensation, its PSI dropped.
at about 7 a.m., the PSI was lower than 140. it was recorded 126.
at 10 a.m., the PSI increased. it was recorded 130.
at noon, the PSI was recorded 128, decreases by 2.
at around 1 p.m., the PSI is around 105.
at about 2 p.m., the PSI had dropped to 91.
and now, at 8, the PSI was recorded 143.
___________________________________________________________

The latest satellite pictures showed there were 506 hotspots and thick smoke haze in Sumatra, mainly in Riau, Jambi and South Sumatra, and winds blowing in a southerly to southwesterly direction had brought smoke haze from southern Sumatra to Singapore.

NEA added that the prevailing winds are also transporting the smoke haze towards the Malacca Straits and Peninsular Malaysia. "The prevailing winds are transporting the smoke haze towards the Malacca Straits, Peninsular Malaysia and Singapore," the agency said.

The Malaysian capital Kuala Lumpur on Friday also reported unhealthy air levels, while flights were disrupted in the country's Sarawak province on Borneo island.

A spokesman for Singapore's Changi Airport on Saturday said the haze had not affected operations at the regional aviation hub.

Hundreds of firefighters in Indonesian Borneo, aided by police and volunteers, were Friday dousing illegal forest fires causing acrid haze that blanketed western parts of the island, officials in the neighbouring country said.

Indonesia's annual burn-off causes a haze that typically smothers parts of Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand as well as Indonesia itself.

The NEA advises people with existing heart or respiratory ailments to reduce physical exertion and outdoor activity. - CNA

(article extracted from www.channelnewsasia.com.sg>
____________________________________________________________

now you know why i am so pissed off. i didn even leave the house. but when i sit at the sofa in the living room, the smell of the bad polluted air hast irritated my nose. i have spent most of my time in my room, on my fan to the max to circulate the air in my room.
i am so hungry now. its because of the bad air, and my reluctance to leave the house. its just so smelly now that even i couldn leave my room. soon, i would be dying of suffocation.
the air is now so polluted that even i want to do my part. by using less electricity consumptions. like i would use the fan instead of the aircon. i would watch a smaller tv than my usual tv in the living room. and the worst of all, i think i am in a suana. why? because i shut all doors and windows. its all because of the bad air and the smoky smell. the higher u are the smellier it is. and i live in the 11th floor! help!
anyway, i think i would buy food and ask them deliver. or i going to cook noodles.
so smelly now! and the PSI at 9 p.m. is 150. its bad!

yesterday was my mum's birthday.
yesterday was my sister's second graduation - for education
yesterday my mum bought a new 400 D camera.

i bet my mum had a great birthday this year.
she paid for more than about 20K for this birthday present. the camera, the cert paper.
what can i say, i love her, more than i could imagine.

today my parents went to mymmar with pastor. the whole time i was praying hard for them.
their safety. mymmar is very very risky now.... all the political troubles and blah blah blah. its so unsafe. and also for those around them, be safe. like for uncle kim teck's father and also my god great grand mother.

i think, reflection is a great thing. because this is when i realise how much i love them, how much i love the people around me. and i should care for them even more now than later when i am or either they are gone. i guess, this is how much God can do to me, to love people. and maybe i should work towards that. hehe. i am thinking of doing smth to it. lol. i will write down my plans when time is near. hehe. :)

oh my gosh!!!!
do u know now i am indulging into starburst?! my sis post it back from aust. we juz got it yesterday. she opened the box and guess wat? oh my gosh! one side starburst, one side ROC, one side m&m, and one side instant pasta. oh my goodness! dying!
i think i will onli eat those when i am stress, like now, studying.
of course i will not b the one eating it! ><><

erm... this week it was a kinda stress week.
i rushed the first day to get back all my papers. well, by thursday i had all my papers except english. i reap what i sow. i didn study so i deserved to get these grades. but i am shocked to find out that some i can pass when i do not study, so think, if i had worked on it, then i will have got very good grades.
on thursday i had an interview with bob rees from canning college. sigh. it was bad, and not the one that i want to hear.
then after that, i began to asked questions to myself. like, what so i want to study? what do i want my future to be? what career do i want? what school would i like to go? where do i want to go?
all these questions keep popping up. and summore i got pms, so i'm very down now. adding on, with these stress, i get more down. so i am like... sian arh.
anyway, i juz made the decision to go curtin le. sigh. long story le larh.
when i buy my ticket i will state down when i am flying. :>

oh wells....
my results weren't that great though. but that shows how much i can do without studying and how much i can do if i had study hard....
all the teachers come to me and commented that they are very dissapointed that i didn got up to their standard, and the first thing they guess and got it right, is i never study. all becoz of dnt, which took up so much of my time. and hello... i started studying only on the 1st of sept... and that is crap! just becoz of dnt!!!
but when thursday comes, i hope the rep from canning can see my good points other than my prelim results. i am anxious for tmr... maths paper! lol
oh, and i had a guest in my house. like i first told ya. her name is michelle foong, all the way from perth. she is always bubbly and very talented in music. she must have taken the genes from her mother.
well, my sister is bringing her out to places in singapore. but she's sick, so its kinda sad. she cannot enjoy that much. sigh. i pray that she can get well soon and she can enjoy the rest of her holidays here.
gotta slp before another fire comes.... sigh

now i know why i want to leave
now i can find more than 10 reasons why i want to leave
now i finally see that i no longer can stay
msg me if u want to know.
and my last words,
"i will tear him apart! i will go so that i will not come back. i am the next dragon lady. and i will. because i have fire in me, fire that burns me. and i thought that they were my only chance, love would be with me, but apparently not! i will not stay. my decisions is final. like he say, i am independant. i can go through. and i will make her scare of me. I WILL!!! "

this week.... spring cleaning!!!
not really.... its actually a guest coming to stay and we are like... so-called force to clean up the place.or rather, at least the room she is gonna sleep.
we clean up the room, throw the old bed, wash the place, and my brother make use of the time to restructure his room while cleaning up his room. haha... so did i and my big bro. my mother scolded us for throwing things so..... so..... 'generously'.
the dust!!!! oh my!
i dunno sneezed how many times. and my dad is like so 'allergic' to the dust. that when he comes near to the rooms, he will start sneezing and sneezing and draw out tissues from the tissue box and sneeze into it. my dad is so funny. we dun have a mask... so he took tissue paper cover it over his nose and mouth and use scotchtape to fasten it on his face.... u shld have seen it. its really really funny.
and these few days i have been sleeping around 2, because of the dust in my room, make me unwilling to sleep there.
but yesterday was a havoc. guess what time i sleep. 4.30!!!! in the morning!!!! actually i was suppose to sleep at about 3 plus, after supper with my 2nd bro, sis, and dad.but then some idoit guy came and make a big mess at our trash at the lobby. all our boxes of trash was on the floor. we took sooooooo much time to clean the place and place those trash downstairs. we weren cursing, but we were swearing! swearin that if we noe hu did this, we will slash him to pieces, not practically though. but for i, i will have an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. i will take my chance to do smth. but of coz, i am not that bad. lol. then i came back to bathe and roam around the house.... dying then!
its because we slept super late thats why nobody wake me and my bro up to go to sch. we woke up around 10 and now packing the room. i can't pack my room until my sis move and throw her things. i think we have this sneezing thing all around... the germs..... because everyone is sneezing. imagine, after 6 years in living in this house, and now u are cleaning up?! and u know how thick is the dust. tell me about it..... we are already sneezing like mad here!!! maybe yearly we have to do consistant jobs to clean up our rooms and the house. SO DIRTY!!!

AAhhhhCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... -sorry, can't help-

this is my very first i am so hurt by my family. first time.
i never had this at all. i always look at the very bright side when it comes to my family. but only when it really hurts me, that is when my tears and mood appear.

i clean up so much because of my sis. she came back today. i was so excited to see her. so i clean up whatever that i can, to make it feel home, cosy, that she never had. but it didn turn out well. not my sister side though, but my bro. i found out that male creatures are one that always hurt me. ya... i think it is. yet it is the male creatures who bring me out of my dark times, moody periods.

i clean up. and i told my bro after fetching my sis from the airport, fetch me to church. nvm, late nvm. but then the only words that hurt me was that he say i was acting holy. wow.... ACTING HOLY!!!! even as i type these words i am crying. hello.... CRYING! and there he is, laughing at his joke. hello. you are my bro. u baptised and then u backslided.... alot! and then?! u got a gf. and u dun go! so be it! but i love to go church. i do! and i go sec 4 friday bible study is because P.Mitch teaches really very encouraging words from GOD that could help me go through this period of time, stress. that is why i start to love to go church. i love it. but u say i am ACTING HOLY?!?!?! fine. take it as I AM! but i wanna tell you that I LOVE THE LORD AND I AM WANTING TO BE HOLY, WANTING TO TRUELY BE THE CHILD OF GOD! and adding on, u r my brother. u know me for almost 16 yrs, and YET u dunno me?! u dunno that.... and u say i ACT HOLY!!!

i cry! i cry because i pity you. i cry because u r backsliding. i cry because u have lost the first love. i cry because u have drifted away for GOD. i cry because u said those words. i cried. and cried. because u hurt me, and u hurt GOD too. and because u have laughed at the seriousness of what the words you have said. i cried.

1990s' , this post is for you!!!

i know many problems are rising up, like my weird problem here. but no matter what, we still need to get our good grades, do our things well, to glorify the LORD's name. but, dun be too stress like me till i cry like mad. u all see my tears and i see ur stress. but what can we do? remember, the LORD is always there. and as friends with GOD as our center, we can only help each other by praying, by sharing our emotions, by helping each other with GOD. so no matter how much tears u shed, how much sweat you put, how much blood you bleed, GOD is there for you and will never forsake us, unless we forsake Him first. May the LORD bless you all always.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds him with HIS hand. Psalm 37:24

15 batch, this is for you!

hey, studying??? me too. even though i can dun need to study, but i wanna to work with u all too for O. i juz wanna say dun b so stress, dun exert too much, dun fall sick, and dun collapse. we are together as one and will always be there for each other. if one falls all of us will too, like that time where we need the help of everyone to hold each other to squat and stand for like lotsa times. if u fall, all of us will. continue to work hard and we will be in the exam hall together. jia you!!!

continue to encourage each other, thats what friends are for. :)

what can i say..... i can only say now that hey, thanks for reading and understanding me.
i probably could bring these over when i am gone. lol.
afterall, the smiles that all of u have can melt my pain. thats all i want and all i ask. so when i go i hope that u all would smile and send me off, dun cry. coz if u cry, it will want to make me stay even more and slow down my pursue for earthly things.
i really love u all

i felt your warmth. but your laughters and jokes pricked hardly on my heart.
i have it!
it doesn mean that i dun say it, the number of times i went away and cry would have show it.
how many times do you have to make fun of me when i regard all of u as my very close and very best friends and it will be a forever even till my death arrives. i really love all of you and then somehow that old me just appear again when i am with all of u. loner. never will be the same.
when u need me i was there. but where are you when i need you.
when the paper ball hit me, i couldn't help it but cry. it triggers it. it wasn your fault for throwing it on me. i know. i just need air. i went up, somewhere, crying. i wouldn't want you all to find me. till when i heard the voices where you want to look for me, i cannot help it but cry more. normally my tap wouldn work. but somehow it runs today. no matter how much i tell myself enough, i cannot help it. i sat at the edge, praying hard that you wouldn find me so that i wouldn hurt more, seeing you. the more i see u show that face, the more i wouldn want to let you see my crying face. i wouldn want all of you to worry me. all i want is your smiles. it would just work.
i am afraid. afraid that when i go, all of these would also begone. i will collapse. you all are a gift to me. but i am scared.
no matter how much jokes you can make fun of me, no matter how much you hurt me, i just wanna see your smile.
i was blind today, yet no one helped. i was heartbroken, yet no one see my tears. i was afraid, yet no one see my fear. i am superficial. maybe i am not as an important friend that you can have at all.
my tears are just flowing on and on. but could you wipe it off???
i asked all of you, if one day i would to dissapear, would you come find me? would you find me?
i am really hurt. no matter how many times you have forsaken me, i wouldn want to. i want to be always there for you. that's what i am for my friends.
i love all of you. yet no one i see loves me. i become a laughing stock for you. it hurts. it pricks. what comes tmr? more injuried? no matter how much tears i show you, it wouldn't just make you do something to wipe off. you make no effort to. so be it. i am just happy to see your smiles. all of you, your smiles. i have Him for me in these times. and i need you too, because you are the gifts. yet these gifts show nothing. that hurts more.
it really hurts. really pricks.

last week was full of ups and downs.

my folio was said until it was like almost worthless. first time he so fierce eh. i was there controlling my tears. dun let one drop roll off. when i tot he was finish, i was packing up and ready to go, he continued to say more. my tears are like all form up le.cannot take it, the tear got so heavy, it just roll down. and then he realise that i was hurt. and then i think he try to talk in a softer tone to calm me down. but.... oh ya.
then again, when i let him check my folio, i think he was vex la. afterall, i was the last. and then he was kinda not feeling well at that time. he also keep saying and saying things about my folio. really, at that time i question myself. i already got a route to overseas le, what for dutte. but then i nudge myself. i say, since i am going to take the exam, might as well do my best. and then these efforts wun go to waste for the past months. that is when my tears got back. after i was scolded then i kinda pek chek. and the brush inside those holes got turpentine. then he scolded me for putting too much varnish. its actually turpentine lorh. coz its like half submerged into the turpentine eh. and i got scolded like tt. then tt time i was like... nvm, dun worry, i can do it. i can get over this. james tried to an wei me. then i say he also stress, can understand de. and its my fault for not doing my folio well. as soon as i leave sch, i took a cab to go church for the sec 4 bible study.

when pastor mitch says about God will uphold you whenever you fall. dunno why, i was tired, i was stress, i was.... everything negative. my tears came. i think al and nat saw it. i juz acted out that i was tired tts all. all the time there i wanted to go toilet and cry this out. but i wanna hear more. after bible study i forced myself to work, work and work. hurry do, hurry wat, hurry finish. then when they order food, me and nat were in the lib doing our work. then i chatted wif him on msn. i ask him, 'what if i were to be mad, what will u do. i think i am on the verge already.' and he didn reply. then i type again. 'i think u all wun do anything bah.' and then i say i going toilet. but actual fact, i went to have a alone time, crying and crying coz i am stress. first time this happen to me. then i hurry wipe my tears. scared they come and see me cry and then they will keep asking why. not that i am afraid of them. but i dun want them to worry about me. then i went back to the lib. but have to go through office. then i hear them practising for teachers day item. then i went to al and i say, 'hey, i not singing with you all for teachers day. i got dnt. deadlines juz 2, 3 days before it. so i wun have time practising.' and he was like, 'ok, dun so stress, you see we get together, not so stress.' at that time, i cry, juz like one drop two drops onli. and i walk away. then i think i heard someone ask al wat happen. and then i heard al say 'you see she so stress, you even see her cry le lorh.' at that time i was like, thanks al, for being so understanding. then i looked up at the sky and i say, the Lord will bring me through difficult times like these. and i smile and continue to do work.

after dinner i hurry rush back to do my work. then later we had a meeting. i was doing my work and was hearing them sing. at that time, their voices soothes my stress. with them and God as the center, the feeling was really good. God really blesses me much. through friends and songs. subsequently, with them, the stress just dissapears.

i wouldn dare to think when that day arrives where i have to go aust and i have to leave them, what would my life be without them. maybe God have a plan for me over there as well. :)

YEAH!!!!!!!!!

i am kinda happy today. because i have been struggling wether i should take the path to go aussie to study. so i asked God to help. Since he open the route for me, i should take it and get into a whole new experiencing the Lord's grace and mercy.

The Lord has been providing me much. Since the prayer for my grandmother, He has been close to me. My grandmother (father side) along with my granddad (mother side) must have been praying alot for us. See.... a laptop tt i beg my parents for long, suddenly they willing to buy for me, summore good one and expensive one. then peaceful home, then kicked out the theif staying in our hse. then good results for chinese, give me a good and miracle result, distinction for oral and B3 overall. and now, this. my results were like gone case. and then i got both canning and curtin offer. miracle do happen.

Somehow, i feel the happiness doesn't long. I am really afraid that when time comes for me o leave, i am afraid that i will turn back and and regret leaving them there. i will cry till my tap never works. lol.

thats why i am afraid to even think about what will happen then. i just want to see them happily see me leave. then like that i can also smile and leave. lol.