oh wells....
my results weren't that great though. but that shows how much i can do without studying and how much i can do if i had study hard....
all the teachers come to me and commented that they are very dissapointed that i didn got up to their standard, and the first thing they guess and got it right, is i never study. all becoz of dnt, which took up so much of my time. and hello... i started studying only on the 1st of sept... and that is crap! just becoz of dnt!!!
but when thursday comes, i hope the rep from canning can see my good points other than my prelim results. i am anxious for tmr... maths paper! lol
oh, and i had a guest in my house. like i first told ya. her name is michelle foong, all the way from perth. she is always bubbly and very talented in music. she must have taken the genes from her mother.
well, my sister is bringing her out to places in singapore. but she's sick, so its kinda sad. she cannot enjoy that much. sigh. i pray that she can get well soon and she can enjoy the rest of her holidays here.
gotta slp before another fire comes.... sigh

now i know why i want to leave
now i can find more than 10 reasons why i want to leave
now i finally see that i no longer can stay
msg me if u want to know.
and my last words,
"i will tear him apart! i will go so that i will not come back. i am the next dragon lady. and i will. because i have fire in me, fire that burns me. and i thought that they were my only chance, love would be with me, but apparently not! i will not stay. my decisions is final. like he say, i am independant. i can go through. and i will make her scare of me. I WILL!!! "

this week.... spring cleaning!!!
not really.... its actually a guest coming to stay and we are like... so-called force to clean up the place.or rather, at least the room she is gonna sleep.
we clean up the room, throw the old bed, wash the place, and my brother make use of the time to restructure his room while cleaning up his room. haha... so did i and my big bro. my mother scolded us for throwing things so..... so..... 'generously'.
the dust!!!! oh my!
i dunno sneezed how many times. and my dad is like so 'allergic' to the dust. that when he comes near to the rooms, he will start sneezing and sneezing and draw out tissues from the tissue box and sneeze into it. my dad is so funny. we dun have a mask... so he took tissue paper cover it over his nose and mouth and use scotchtape to fasten it on his face.... u shld have seen it. its really really funny.
and these few days i have been sleeping around 2, because of the dust in my room, make me unwilling to sleep there.
but yesterday was a havoc. guess what time i sleep. 4.30!!!! in the morning!!!! actually i was suppose to sleep at about 3 plus, after supper with my 2nd bro, sis, and dad.but then some idoit guy came and make a big mess at our trash at the lobby. all our boxes of trash was on the floor. we took sooooooo much time to clean the place and place those trash downstairs. we weren cursing, but we were swearing! swearin that if we noe hu did this, we will slash him to pieces, not practically though. but for i, i will have an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. i will take my chance to do smth. but of coz, i am not that bad. lol. then i came back to bathe and roam around the house.... dying then!
its because we slept super late thats why nobody wake me and my bro up to go to sch. we woke up around 10 and now packing the room. i can't pack my room until my sis move and throw her things. i think we have this sneezing thing all around... the germs..... because everyone is sneezing. imagine, after 6 years in living in this house, and now u are cleaning up?! and u know how thick is the dust. tell me about it..... we are already sneezing like mad here!!! maybe yearly we have to do consistant jobs to clean up our rooms and the house. SO DIRTY!!!

AAhhhhCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... -sorry, can't help-

this is my very first i am so hurt by my family. first time.
i never had this at all. i always look at the very bright side when it comes to my family. but only when it really hurts me, that is when my tears and mood appear.

i clean up so much because of my sis. she came back today. i was so excited to see her. so i clean up whatever that i can, to make it feel home, cosy, that she never had. but it didn turn out well. not my sister side though, but my bro. i found out that male creatures are one that always hurt me. ya... i think it is. yet it is the male creatures who bring me out of my dark times, moody periods.

i clean up. and i told my bro after fetching my sis from the airport, fetch me to church. nvm, late nvm. but then the only words that hurt me was that he say i was acting holy. wow.... ACTING HOLY!!!! even as i type these words i am crying. hello.... CRYING! and there he is, laughing at his joke. hello. you are my bro. u baptised and then u backslided.... alot! and then?! u got a gf. and u dun go! so be it! but i love to go church. i do! and i go sec 4 friday bible study is because P.Mitch teaches really very encouraging words from GOD that could help me go through this period of time, stress. that is why i start to love to go church. i love it. but u say i am ACTING HOLY?!?!?! fine. take it as I AM! but i wanna tell you that I LOVE THE LORD AND I AM WANTING TO BE HOLY, WANTING TO TRUELY BE THE CHILD OF GOD! and adding on, u r my brother. u know me for almost 16 yrs, and YET u dunno me?! u dunno that.... and u say i ACT HOLY!!!

i cry! i cry because i pity you. i cry because u r backsliding. i cry because u have lost the first love. i cry because u have drifted away for GOD. i cry because u said those words. i cried. and cried. because u hurt me, and u hurt GOD too. and because u have laughed at the seriousness of what the words you have said. i cried.

1990s' , this post is for you!!!

i know many problems are rising up, like my weird problem here. but no matter what, we still need to get our good grades, do our things well, to glorify the LORD's name. but, dun be too stress like me till i cry like mad. u all see my tears and i see ur stress. but what can we do? remember, the LORD is always there. and as friends with GOD as our center, we can only help each other by praying, by sharing our emotions, by helping each other with GOD. so no matter how much tears u shed, how much sweat you put, how much blood you bleed, GOD is there for you and will never forsake us, unless we forsake Him first. May the LORD bless you all always.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds him with HIS hand. Psalm 37:24

15 batch, this is for you!

hey, studying??? me too. even though i can dun need to study, but i wanna to work with u all too for O. i juz wanna say dun b so stress, dun exert too much, dun fall sick, and dun collapse. we are together as one and will always be there for each other. if one falls all of us will too, like that time where we need the help of everyone to hold each other to squat and stand for like lotsa times. if u fall, all of us will. continue to work hard and we will be in the exam hall together. jia you!!!

continue to encourage each other, thats what friends are for. :)

what can i say..... i can only say now that hey, thanks for reading and understanding me.
i probably could bring these over when i am gone. lol.
afterall, the smiles that all of u have can melt my pain. thats all i want and all i ask. so when i go i hope that u all would smile and send me off, dun cry. coz if u cry, it will want to make me stay even more and slow down my pursue for earthly things.
i really love u all

i felt your warmth. but your laughters and jokes pricked hardly on my heart.
i have it!
it doesn mean that i dun say it, the number of times i went away and cry would have show it.
how many times do you have to make fun of me when i regard all of u as my very close and very best friends and it will be a forever even till my death arrives. i really love all of you and then somehow that old me just appear again when i am with all of u. loner. never will be the same.
when u need me i was there. but where are you when i need you.
when the paper ball hit me, i couldn't help it but cry. it triggers it. it wasn your fault for throwing it on me. i know. i just need air. i went up, somewhere, crying. i wouldn't want you all to find me. till when i heard the voices where you want to look for me, i cannot help it but cry more. normally my tap wouldn work. but somehow it runs today. no matter how much i tell myself enough, i cannot help it. i sat at the edge, praying hard that you wouldn find me so that i wouldn hurt more, seeing you. the more i see u show that face, the more i wouldn want to let you see my crying face. i wouldn want all of you to worry me. all i want is your smiles. it would just work.
i am afraid. afraid that when i go, all of these would also begone. i will collapse. you all are a gift to me. but i am scared.
no matter how much jokes you can make fun of me, no matter how much you hurt me, i just wanna see your smile.
i was blind today, yet no one helped. i was heartbroken, yet no one see my tears. i was afraid, yet no one see my fear. i am superficial. maybe i am not as an important friend that you can have at all.
my tears are just flowing on and on. but could you wipe it off???
i asked all of you, if one day i would to dissapear, would you come find me? would you find me?
i am really hurt. no matter how many times you have forsaken me, i wouldn want to. i want to be always there for you. that's what i am for my friends.
i love all of you. yet no one i see loves me. i become a laughing stock for you. it hurts. it pricks. what comes tmr? more injuried? no matter how much tears i show you, it wouldn't just make you do something to wipe off. you make no effort to. so be it. i am just happy to see your smiles. all of you, your smiles. i have Him for me in these times. and i need you too, because you are the gifts. yet these gifts show nothing. that hurts more.
it really hurts. really pricks.