last week was full of ups and downs.

my folio was said until it was like almost worthless. first time he so fierce eh. i was there controlling my tears. dun let one drop roll off. when i tot he was finish, i was packing up and ready to go, he continued to say more. my tears are like all form up le.cannot take it, the tear got so heavy, it just roll down. and then he realise that i was hurt. and then i think he try to talk in a softer tone to calm me down. but.... oh ya.
then again, when i let him check my folio, i think he was vex la. afterall, i was the last. and then he was kinda not feeling well at that time. he also keep saying and saying things about my folio. really, at that time i question myself. i already got a route to overseas le, what for dutte. but then i nudge myself. i say, since i am going to take the exam, might as well do my best. and then these efforts wun go to waste for the past months. that is when my tears got back. after i was scolded then i kinda pek chek. and the brush inside those holes got turpentine. then he scolded me for putting too much varnish. its actually turpentine lorh. coz its like half submerged into the turpentine eh. and i got scolded like tt. then tt time i was like... nvm, dun worry, i can do it. i can get over this. james tried to an wei me. then i say he also stress, can understand de. and its my fault for not doing my folio well. as soon as i leave sch, i took a cab to go church for the sec 4 bible study.

when pastor mitch says about God will uphold you whenever you fall. dunno why, i was tired, i was stress, i was.... everything negative. my tears came. i think al and nat saw it. i juz acted out that i was tired tts all. all the time there i wanted to go toilet and cry this out. but i wanna hear more. after bible study i forced myself to work, work and work. hurry do, hurry wat, hurry finish. then when they order food, me and nat were in the lib doing our work. then i chatted wif him on msn. i ask him, 'what if i were to be mad, what will u do. i think i am on the verge already.' and he didn reply. then i type again. 'i think u all wun do anything bah.' and then i say i going toilet. but actual fact, i went to have a alone time, crying and crying coz i am stress. first time this happen to me. then i hurry wipe my tears. scared they come and see me cry and then they will keep asking why. not that i am afraid of them. but i dun want them to worry about me. then i went back to the lib. but have to go through office. then i hear them practising for teachers day item. then i went to al and i say, 'hey, i not singing with you all for teachers day. i got dnt. deadlines juz 2, 3 days before it. so i wun have time practising.' and he was like, 'ok, dun so stress, you see we get together, not so stress.' at that time, i cry, juz like one drop two drops onli. and i walk away. then i think i heard someone ask al wat happen. and then i heard al say 'you see she so stress, you even see her cry le lorh.' at that time i was like, thanks al, for being so understanding. then i looked up at the sky and i say, the Lord will bring me through difficult times like these. and i smile and continue to do work.

after dinner i hurry rush back to do my work. then later we had a meeting. i was doing my work and was hearing them sing. at that time, their voices soothes my stress. with them and God as the center, the feeling was really good. God really blesses me much. through friends and songs. subsequently, with them, the stress just dissapears.

i wouldn dare to think when that day arrives where i have to go aust and i have to leave them, what would my life be without them. maybe God have a plan for me over there as well. :)

YEAH!!!!!!!!!

i am kinda happy today. because i have been struggling wether i should take the path to go aussie to study. so i asked God to help. Since he open the route for me, i should take it and get into a whole new experiencing the Lord's grace and mercy.

The Lord has been providing me much. Since the prayer for my grandmother, He has been close to me. My grandmother (father side) along with my granddad (mother side) must have been praying alot for us. See.... a laptop tt i beg my parents for long, suddenly they willing to buy for me, summore good one and expensive one. then peaceful home, then kicked out the theif staying in our hse. then good results for chinese, give me a good and miracle result, distinction for oral and B3 overall. and now, this. my results were like gone case. and then i got both canning and curtin offer. miracle do happen.

Somehow, i feel the happiness doesn't long. I am really afraid that when time comes for me o leave, i am afraid that i will turn back and and regret leaving them there. i will cry till my tap never works. lol.

thats why i am afraid to even think about what will happen then. i just want to see them happily see me leave. then like that i can also smile and leave. lol.

Happy 41st National Day Singapore!!!

today is 41st birthday of singapore!!!
holiday yet i went to study the whole day. i went to church to study again....
i did material list for like half the day. accidently deleted. i was so pek chek n i cry. but then later tell myself say... muz do it coz got no time. so i try doin it again. better than before.
i actually think that today i didn do much.....
but.... still...

anw, i tmr i will stop studying n doin dnt. coz friday is sc(phy-chem) prelim prac. put myself to a whole day of studying practical. need to do well for it. muz!!

at abt 7 55 we rush up to the roof top to watch the fireworks. the whole 5 minute thing was so funny. we carried chairs n food and rush up. when we r there, 8 flat, we looked towards the west. then cam sit on the rail. then i hug her so she would not fall off. but then we heard the fireworks sound. n guess wat, it was at the east. so we hurry rush to go there. mark, superman, so slow..... 'where?....'o..there!'. goodness.... laughing my head off. tot no more le. then nat n nigel just reach. so we went down to open the gate for them. then we heard the firework sound again.... and we hurry rush up to the rooftop to watch. by the time we were there, it was already over.... then we play truth or dare. many jokes.... fun time. haha. good destressing part.

then i come back home.... then i saw the uncle.... he was tokin to me at the lift. then i was telling him that i was very stress doing work an studying. when i reach my stop.... he say jia you jia you. then i was like... huh. an old man saying this to me. then i started laughing.... and i say to him, i will.

fun day eh....

hello...
its one day before national day. today singapore have fireworks competition. a lot of people watching.
i never go..... because i need to do my work. so sad.....
i have in total of 4 days more to finish my dnt.
i am currently finishing my dd.
draw n draw..... veri sian.....
then do half-way also dunno why so pek chek...
so i go walk walk... around the church... to kind of destress myself.
i am still in church... still got one more hr to go....
i think... tonite muz chiong again...
good thing i not doing laundry. if not too tired...
currently i did 6 pages of work. feel so proud of myself.
maybe... today target... do at least 10 pages.
by then... almost most of the dd done lerh.
okiez...
go back to my work.
DUN DISTURB!!!!

today after npcc, the time i spent with them, i went to church. we had bible sudy waith pastor mitch again.
today we learnt about resting on God and to also wait patiently for him from Psalm 37.
resting on God needs a strong foundation of faith and understanding. with that, we can rest on Him and trust in Him. (nice thought)
then as we are in need, we seek for help from God. but sometimes God want us to wait. to wait 1) God want you to learn to have patience. 2) the timing for it is not there yet and 3) a testing of your faith.
with that, you have build up another level call 'character' in Romans 5.(nice thought too)

so i was pondering on it.... and ya. i should cultivate on these both key things i have learnt today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh well.... after that we had dinner. and then we discussed about the teachers day prog.
even though half the time we were laughing and joking, but we did have some productivity and at least know when to stop. but it was really funny at times where i couldn stop.
but dunno why, the more tired i get, the more high i am, until i am totally power dead. haha. i keep singing songs like if lets say they say lighthouse, then i would start singing lighthouse. but at least i know when to stop. but seriously, i myself think it was irritating too. but cannot help it la.
i guess everyone slpin lerh. today guess wat time we left church? at least 10p.m!!!
oh my! then i have to walk that freakingly dark alley. i was half the time clenching my fist la. and also freaking out with the bats flying all around the region there. like i said, it was dark.
and when i reach the bus stop, i miss my bus, almost get banged, and this weird indian guy was half the time staring into space like some zombie siahz.
i tell u wat, I TOTALLY FREAKED OUT!!!!
i immediately remembered to trust the LORD for safety. hmm... so guess wat? i start singing songs again to build up my confidence.... miraculously, it works la. answered prayers. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
when i came back, guess wat time, 11p.m. flat. no more minutes.
goodness. first time not having a car to fetch me in this late night la. n my dad juz say, come back urself la.
i just..... humph!
haha. come back home.... no lights on. then see my bro fwens at the tv there playing PS2. totally frightened me la. no light eh. i tot grandma came back play eh. haha. jk jk.
n guess wat? the clothes are not kept n folded! hello! not my shift la today. i already reach home so late, tired and famished. yet, give me this kind of crap. good shit man.
dun care le.
tmr i juz ask him do. haha.... i feel so evil. hehe

lotsa love

hmm....
today was kinda special coz it was the 1st OFFICIAL parade the 16th had.
i juz tot i could kinda let go... juz watch a little n just kinda do something else,but, u see.... i can't
dunno why la.
its juz smth that maybe u dun let go.
expecially when i was standing at one corner when i decided to juz watch them open parade and just walk off. but the cadets turned around and great me in honour. they smile to me and even show their teeth. goodness.
it was just merticulously weird that i am not in np anymore yet my presence is always there. the cadets still remembers me and the way i like them.
they dun treat me as aliens now. but a close senior...maybe
i think, this secondary sch in kcp really make me never regret that i join kcp and npcc. because, looking back, many of things we did as a 15th batch was kinda..... dunno how to say la. but we had gain many as well as losing many.
we gain our honour, trust and respect. we gain friendship and relationship in npcc. however, along the way we have to desert away time and rest, friends from u noe other than in np, work that you ought to do.
yet at this time, u also gain to build ur character, and with the change, u also lose many friends with that change.
all in all, i think what i gain is lesser than wat i had lost. coz along the losses, i began to rebuild it in contents to the losses.
longwinded eh....
i think the 16th batch had a great leap towards better leaders.
today, even though i see many wat i dun like.... but i still think, that u all improved much.

love ya all lotsa

hello... long time nv write le.
i'm in church now.... doing my dnt. sian rite? have to do.... so can pass.... summore muz hand up by next next monday. sian siahz.
i seriously need something to vent all my watever u call.... stress and anger.
am i irritating?!
maybe.....
this has been in my mind for the whole afternoon up till now ah.....
the more i think, the more i get angry and irritated by it. see the irony?
u muz b thinking... then dun think abt it la.
easier said than done.
the more i tell myself not to think, the more i get to think. and the more i get angey n irritated by it. see the second irony?
the whole afternoon i keep printing dnt stuff n still now doing my dnt.
i am getting crazy.
i seriously tell u.... i am going to do something more crazier than wat i am after i hand up my dnt.
i am going to burst out all my stress and start over anew. i need something to make me start new so i can survive more in the upcoming days.
this month will be full of stress. especially when it is the sept holidays.
will be studying studying and studying.
i think its the first time i so stressed up and also so hard working over studies. not even in PSLE.
no.
i am now...... thinking of wat to do to vent out all my stress n anger. i seriously need something now.
and i also think that i am too outgoing. should keep myself to myself more.... then it will b like last time....
sighz.
i dun even want to think about anything now.
nothing!!!!